What was the happiest moment of your life? The saddest?
geteng n a taco. geteng yur stuped questens
Who has been the biggest influence on your life? What lessons did they teach you?
mi dade, kung fu
What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in life?
dont lingur n the atic, u might get loced up there
What is your earliest memory?
beateng pepole up
What is your favorite memory of me?
seeng yur big but walk out the dor. ha HA!
If you could hold on to one memory from your life for eternity, what would that be?
im not annsuring any fruty questions
Are there any words of wisdom you’d like to pass along to me?
tak a bath so u dont smel like cheze so much
What are you proudest of in your life?
wel geteng a millon gold medels, betteng up 125 nijas at onec, wenneng the cup weth the cenators
When in life have you felt most alone?
when I get loced out of mi own huse!
What are your hopes and dreams for what the future holds for me? For my children?
as ef! I hop u lose mi adres!!
How has your life been different than what you’d imagined?
dednt thenk the cuban mob woud find mi her
How would you like to be remembered?
as the most macho guy to evur b alive
Do you have any regrets?
what?! of corse! a hole box of thos
Is there anything that you’ve never told me but want to tell me now?
u hav pubeck lice
What is your first memory of me?
u were eting out of janes dog bowl
How would you describe our relationship?
not distant enouf
When you first find out that you’d be a parent, how did you feel?
mad!! i sayed yeh right ladee prov et!!!!
Can you describe the moment when you saw your child for the first time?
he wuz 18 so I dednt haft u pay anytheng
What are your dreams for your children?
what?! dont b so frute
Do you remember when your last child left home for good?
oh yeh she dednt win at the pagent so we left hur at the daz inn
What do you do for a living?
im a made man
Tell me about how you got into your line of work.
what?! lek hell! im not giveng u any trad seacrets
Do you like your job?
of corse i do stuped
What did you think you were going to be when you grew up?
100% etalen!!!!!
Do you plan on retiring? If so, when? How do you feel about it?
u r
Can you tell me about your religious beliefs/spiritual beliefs?
the poope stuped!!! he es the god of al made men
Have you experienced any miracles?
mi dade sayed u got a boyfrend ha HA!
Do you believe in the afterlife? What do you think it will be like?
probably a lot of kewl guz at the strip bar weth bers. no fat chiks!
When you meet God, what do you want to say to Him?
hey totally swet dud lets hav sum pitza. thanx fur kelleng al thos jerks fur mi
Do you have a love of your life?
of corse mi wefe god rest hur sol
When did you first fall in love?
when we went tu the fenest etalian restrant
Can you tell me about your first kiss?
tu frutee
What would you do for fun?
hang ut weth mi dade, go tu the bar and kel every one weth kung fu
How would your classmates remember you?
the kewl gue weth a big gun!!
When and where were you born?
i wuz born n the best plac
Where did you grow up?
in the town weth all etaliens
What was it like?
pretee god babe
Who were your parents?
god rest there sol
Did you get into trouble? What was the worst thing you did?
i nevr got cauht. i put mi sistur n the ovin for talking so much during sol train
Do you have any siblings? What were they like growing up?
oh yeh the were pretty good
What did you look like?
what?! u r!!!
Did you have a nickname? How did you get it?
el macho i got et from sume etlian gangs i had to sav ther lives from geteng keled by 900 bulls
How did you meet your wife?
at a club at the gersey shor
How did you know he/she was “the one”?
HE?!!!!! u r!!!
How did you propose?
i got the most $$$$ reng and put et n sum krystal
What were the best times? The most difficult times?
the best tim wuz doeng et so much. the wors tim wuz when mi wefe god rest hur sol got eten bi wolfs
Did you ever think of getting divorced?
nah
What advice do you have for young couples?
u shud envet a lot of kung fu pepol tu yr wedeng
Do you think about dying?
when the cuban mob suprezes mi
Do you have any last wishes?
al the monie n the world, 900 pitzas, and tu pimp cups fur mi and dade
If you were to give advice to me or my children, what would it be?
dunt b a bunch of losurs
What is your ethnic background?
etalian
Where is your mom’s family from? Where is your dad’s family from?
etailen stuped
Have you ever been there? What was that experience like?
of corse i hav! ets kewl
What traditions have been passed down in your family?
pitzas and horns and beng a tuf guy
Who were your favorite relatives?
i gus mi brother spik
Do you remember any of the stories they used to tell you?
one abot beans
Were you in the military?
oh yeh
Did you go to war? What was it like?
of corse i did! et wuz so kewl! a lot of pussies died but not mi and braens!!
During your service, can you recall times when you were afraid?
lek hell!
What are your strongest memories from your time in the military?
porkeng cheng chong babes
What lessons did you learn from this time in your life?
cheng chongs hav swet boo-bs

i hav tu tak a nap aftur ansureng al thos stuped questens.  mi wishes beter b here when i wak up!!!

i gues i beter start lokeng for a nuw ladee.  dade saed the gurls at abes talle ho hav tu manee krabs to date.  ef u arent a faty u can res-pond tu b mi nue lade

i gut mi dade a nuw tv fur kewl guys. we r made men!!!!! i buter get bac tu mi etilan piza b-for that stuped peg eats et.  ciao!

necxt mi dade sayd we hav tu kil the peg.  she is akteng so dum of corse lek alwayz!!!  but she gav mi dade peg aids!!!  so dade sayd thats et dum peeg u r gueng tu die!!!!  we cud slic hur weth our nenga skils but hur peg aids wud get al ovr. mi mamee and dade r kepeng the huse clen now so we cant du that. we r gueng tu breng hur tu the farm fur retarrded anemels. ha ha stuped peg enjuy ur lef weth whelcher anemels. ha ha—

and i ned adviic abut mi halawen costomb. i hav a lut of partees tu go tu!!  ferst i cud be a cenator the kwelest guyz!!!  but eviry 1 knows i m kwel and sum temes i play on the cenators tem. mabe i cud be a guy-ro-prakter lek mi dade. gud idea abe!!!! jewly wud mak a cute gost. i wil tel hur.