go ahed then!!

a lut of pepel went tu no whet im dueng al the tim.  fine then red my updats stupeds!!! 

http://twitter.com/el_macho

HIPY BERTHDAE MAAAAAMMMMEEE

ant jenai just caled tu tel mi ets maaaaameees berthdae.  she es prety nece sumtimes so HIPY BERTHDAE U WARM TACO!

olimpecs

thur r sum sports hapeng reght now.  a lut of guz frum the wurld r treng 2 beat mi, ha ha gud luk stuped.  i dunt du ane gay sports lek jumpeng on a beam!!!  i hav 900 guld medls becus i am numbur 1!!!!  i cun run the fastest and shot the must guz in a row.  tudae i am gueng tu kung fu evry 1 at once tu sav tim.  suckers!!!  i am gueng to play bassket bal on ice!!!  CENATURS R #1!!  Ha ha!  hav tu go tim fur anuther tatoo…

mi vacashen!

i gues u went tu kno where i went. wel i wuz on vacashen stuped!! first i went tu the gerzy shor.  mi dade and i tuk our motorbiks down ther an gut ther in 2 seconds!! oh yeh! furst i had tu get to the booby bar -oh yeh.  the babes were hot!! sorry ladees i cant du u all!  ha ha!!!!  then we used guns tu shot everybody dead.  i had mi rag top down so mi hair can blow!!! 

dade saed we had 2 buy evry 1 a geft.  oh god!!!  ha ha ha!!  so we went tu all the expensiv sturs and gut sum nice kangal hats.  i went tu the cascino and won $$$$$$$$ playeng histaks scrabel.  ha ha ha!  i cant help kung fueng a lot of peple to deth.  im et hum now but i am gueng on vacashen agen in mi privet jet tu a col plac weth col guyz!!!

dades berthdae

mi dad es haveng a berthdae prety soon so i gut tu get redy.  thes guy he realy no’s how tu partee. i wuz thinkeng i hav tu hav al mi frends com over lik heavy d, dj jazee jef, cinbad.  becuz mi dad lekes cool stuf. dus any one no what tu get hem?  i got hem a prety col jersee fur chrismas.  probelly something etalin and weth rappers and sexee lades and rock n rol.  also mi dad es the heavee weght champ of the world su maybi nuw gloves or a robe.  i gotta get a robe tu.  definately no pegs alowed at our kol pepol partee!!!!!  no babes eithur.  wel the danceng kind can com (sory mamee no soft-shu just sexee dances).  i dunt no how manee hummers that guy has probelly 100078!!!  he es kol.  ef u r a cenator cal mi so i can hav u at thes col partee.

ganstur grocer

helo stepuds! i went tu the stor last nite weth mi maaaame.  she es tu slow tu pic out gud fud 4 tuff guys!!! i only eat etailian fud, like pitza, mufins, the pasta.  i left so much wait al day i hav tu eat!!  wel my mamee asked mi tu sit in the drivers seat of the cart and tel hur what i wanted.  thin i started driveng su fast no one culd kep up and i mad so miny sked marks en the stor. then a guy frum the blods kame up to mi mamee and sazed ‘YOU ARE GUING TU HEL RITE NOW!’ i wuz geting out mi nunchuks tu mak hem intu DUST!!!  but mamee poped hur boil en his i and it sprayed evrywher and evry 1 died .  then i nunchuked boil juice ontu a pac of pegs and they cryed lik babys!!!!  i had tu driv mi mamee hum bcaus she wuz tu scard to deth!!  mi dade sayzed he herd mi kickeng evryones but!!!  ha ha ha ha ha  he mad me a wed cigaret fur helpeng mamee tu shop.

maaaamaaee!

mi mamae has a boy-el!!!  she gut et frum al the hocky stres.  ets gud fur mi becus she ken git mi so muc medical weed!!!!!!!  boy-els r seris diseas tu get a lut of pepel die becuse they ate boy-els ensted of ther fud. 

i gut tu mak her fell beter so im guing tu mak her a wal hangeng of hur favrit hocky guy…MI!! 

mi dade

did u evr meat mi dade? he is complitly COOL!!!!  I wrot a rap abut hem.  dun’t steel it or u wil be in a chok hold!!!!! tu deth!!!

 

mi dade is a number 1 tuff guy

throweng down a slic of pie

 

he go’s to a club for ber

and make the ladees cher

 

dadee dusn’t lek stuped pegs

his muscles r so BIG!!!

 

he is a numbur 1 cag feghter

and he will kil all faggs tu death

 

this guy can drenk 15 bers in 1 minute

he dances tu the limt!!!

 

when wii gu tu the gersy shor

he pecks up sexee babes all night

 

mi pape has a warm taco

we r best frends and kol guys 4 life!!

 

nurth of the bordeer

i wunt b writeng fur a whil i am guing tu canaduh tu pic up the stan lee cup.  mi dad and mi r guing to beet up the candien polece bcuz they r so stepud and gay.  i thenk i wil du all the driveng so we can get ther in 1 secund.  mi papee sayd “EL MACHO LETS GU 2 THE CANDIEN BALET”  i sayd “WHAT?! u r gueng gay!!!”  but papee tuld mi thats whit candiens cal the boobie bar.  they r so stuped!!  i gues we r gueng 2 b the only tuf guyz ther!! ha ha ha ha ha  i m makeng a water bong out of stans cup.  oh yay!

thes letle peg went tu HELL

god damn et!!!  why duesnt aneone listen tu me?  i cant be trap up weth that peg all dae!!  I m guing tu kell her!! 

peg: ABEY, …ABEY, …ABEY, …ABEY, …ABEY

elmacho: what the hell du u want?

peg: HI ABE!     I LIKE MEEETY!   WERES MY MOMY?  IM A BEG FAT BABY!

elmacho: shut up, i am takeng car of mi busness stuped blubber whal!!!!

peg: OK ABE, I LOVE YOU ABEY!!

elmacho: that es DISGUSTENG!

peg: OK ABEY!  I LOVE MEEETY  I KNOW A SONG    WERE ES MY DEBEL?   I LIKE PNUT BUTER!  HI ABE  WHIT IS YUR BUSNES ABE? 

elmacho:  wil u SHUT UP AND GO TU HELL!!!  acutely du you wint tu be a drug mule?

peg: OK ABEY!!

elmacho: finale u r good fur somthing!  then im sending u tu see al your frends at lolypop

peg: YEAH!!  I M GOOD GIRL!!!  I LOVE U ABE

elmacho: of course u du babe….